Have you ever had a back-handed comment that was clearly an insult, but part of you actually believed it?
I’m going to tell you about when my ex-MIL stereotyped me HARD, and why this is SO f-ing toxic.
Back in my 2nd/3rd year as a hairstylist, my then bf’s Mom came over to our duplex where I’d just moved in. Upon meeting her, right after I was introduced, she began to nervously chatter about hairstylists- since she already knew what I did for work at the time.
The ONE story she chose to tell, was how none of US PEOPLE ever did what she wanted.
She always asked US for one thing, and was given another- no matter how much she paid for a haircut (because she knew where I worked haircuts were pretty expensive).
Since no hairstylist was capable of giving her what she wanted, she had resorted to cutting her own hair.
THEY NEVER DO WHAT I WANT THEM TO.
I was THEM.
I was lumped into the ‘hairstylists who suck at their jobs’ camp.
Now, she was a masterful insulter- but what about when we start to believe in those ‘stereotypes’ that others put upon us? Or we tell ourselves stories about what we should be based on the groups we belong to:
I’ve been in the beauty industry for YEARS, and eventually, I told myself the lie that it was all that I was good at, and all that I would ever amount to. I was ‘just’ a hairstylist- as so many people had treated me that way over the years. I became ashamed to tell people what I did, and would shy away from the ‘what do you do?’ questions in social situations. I’d reduced myself to a title- and anyone that does hair KNOWS, we are FAR MORE than ‘just’ hairstylists.
There can be tendency to reduce ourselves to our titles and stereotypes
I know I’ve done it in other areas of my life as well- I was a step-mom, I was a wife at one point- and I had a story to accompany each role about how I was SUPPOSED to behave.
This is where the danger happens.
Where we tell ourselves that ‘because of ‘X’ we’re supposed to behave as ‘Y’- like, because I’m a wife, I’m supposed to do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and budgeting.
That’s not true.
We get to decide who we are despite our roles. We are not the hats we wear, we are deeper, wider, and so much MORE than all of that.
And that’s what I forgot that day when my ex-MIL insulted me, and what I remind myself and clients of CONSTANTLY. You can choose. You can change. It’s all within you.
Hi, I’m Stephanie! I’m a life coach and beauty entrepreneur, a recovering perfectionist with a glitter obsession- and I freaking LOVE helping people design their best lives.
I’ve been right where you are- not sure where to start and just KNOWING there’s got to be something more to my life than this. There’s freedom from all the should’s and expectations… freedom to actively CHOOSE your life- choose your story.
That freedom is yours- you just have to decide to have it, and live it every damn day. Great things are built and discovered a little bit at a time, and I’d love to show you how!